Stupid
by BesserwisserForHire
Summary: Wally is kind of stupid, even more so because he makes Dick stupid, too. Oneshot. Birdflash / DickxWally.


It's just a joke when he smacks him lightly on the ass and smirks that special Wally kind of smirk which always beats him senseless. It's just a joke when he tries a bad pick-up line based on stupid puns about birds and it's still a joke when Dick can't help but flush a deep, bright red; robin red, Wally teases, because it's _all_ just a big joke to him.

Dick laughs every time because that's what you're supposed to do and only half of it is faked as he tries not to acknowledge the way his throat ties itself whenever Wally's warmth is near.

* * *

Most days he wonders why Wally can't just _stop_ it.

* * *

Despite not always sounding like it, the fact still stands that Wally is incredibly smart. One of the smartest people Dick knows - and it shouldn't be so attractive but it is - though there are times he can be so amazingly _stupid_. And Dick just wants to yell at him, scream until his throat bleeds but Wally, the bastard, looks at him with his stupid green eyes and Dick can no longer remember what he's so angry about in the first place.

He wonders if it shows, if it's obvious the way it hits him in the gut like a hammer, how the warmth seeps into his chest and he swears, some days he feels like those eyes are burning him alive. Maybe Wally just knows, somehow, because he's Wally, because sometimes Dick swears he's doing it on purpose.

* * *

Dick hates him so much some days. Which isn't entirely true because he doesn't think he could ever _really_ hate him because it's_ Wally_ and despite the stupid things he says and does Dick always finds it in himself to get over it. Eventually.

It's just the hours awake when he's supposed to be sleeping because Jesus, he has school in the morning and the way he can't always focus in Chemistry because some of the things are stuff Wally's told him - whenever he gets nervous and babbles random things about science and movies and chili fries and some things Dick is never quite able to discern because he just talks so fast. It's all of that, everything, that frustrates him, a little.

Or, a lot. More so on the days when Wally's just been so up close and personal, he's so very physical with a lot of people and Wally's in your face, always so close, _too_ close to him but at the same time never quite close enough.

It's all the little things that bundle together with the big things and Dick just gets kind of tired.

* * *

He plays a lot with the thought of telling him but chickens out just as quickly. He tries, sometimes, hidden in a joke, because it's _always_ _just a joke_ and Wally laughs because that's what you're suposed to do but sometimes, sometimes Dick kind of wishes Wally would get it.

* * *

Part of being Robin means Batman's teachings never quite leave him, they grow a part of him so constant it might as well be an organ in his body. Dick can't ever really shut off; the detective is always on the prowl, looking for clues and everything Wally does becomes an investigation for him. A mystery to solve.

Whether that touch was just accidental, too close, too intimate, or maybe just normal and Dick is simply making so many hens out of a feather he's got enough to move out to the country and start a damn farm. Dick can't really tell because Wally makes him so stupid it scares him sometimes. Lifts him up, knocks him down and crushes him all in one go.

It's just, friends don't sit this close, do they?

* * *

Wally hoists him up on his back and he runs through the field, the wind tugging at Dick's hair like greedy hands. It hurts as it squeezes, pushes roughly down into his lungs and Dick forgets to exhale every other breath; Wally is talking to him, and though Dick can't hear a word because of the wind, everything feels right and good and peaceful. Wally's back against his chest, his warmth transferring to the smaller body and Wally's voice a constant background sound, a blanket against the exploding ruckus of speedster footsteps and a world swooshing by so fast they practically stop being a part of it.

Instead they're stuck in a world of their own and Dick's never felt so at home as here. And he knows they're going to reach whatever destination soon, too soon, and he always considers asking Wally to take a detour, blame it on being tired or needing just a little bit more of fresh air but the words always end up stuck somewhere deep inside his chest.

Every time Dick ends up hoping Wally could run just a little bit further, let him enjoy the closeness and the rush of his hormones going crazy just a little while longer.

Even just a second would be enough.

* * *

Dick tries to be normal, tries really hard not to be weird around him because first and foremost theyr'e always friends, best friends, and Dick wouldn't ever willingly compromise that but it's _hard_. Impossible, nearly, when Wally laughs like that and bumps his shoulder into him to try to make him lose focus of the game.

And sometimes Dick forgets that he's not supposed to be snappy or angry or frustrated or sad because Wally's not doing this on purpose, Wally doesn't know he's practically torturing him some days but every now and then he can't help himself; Dick knows one of these days he's going to snap.

* * *

The best days are when Dick is tired and Wally is distracted, so no one really thinks twice when Dick places his head in his lap and Wally absentmindedly plays with his hair; soothing his aches and softly lulling him to sleep. They're also the worst, so it kind of evens out in the end.

* * *

Wally eats like a slob and dribbles and drops the jam and whipped cream all over his face, like a child in that way. Or, no, not really a child either because Dick's seen toddlers with better table manners than him.

''Dude'' Dick just says and Wally looks at him with that sheepish smile he hates so much but still can't ever get enough of. ''Need a _napkin?_''

''Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we were at the royal ball. Please forgive me, your highness'' Wally makes an exaggerated bow and Dick simply rolls his eyes.

Wally smirks and Dick's heart forgets what it's supposed to be doing in his body when the redhead licks some cream off the corner of his mouth, wiping with his sleeve possessing the same aim and finesse as a drunk pidgeon trapped in a barn. Dick looks at everything he possibly can that isn't Wally but the stupid idiot spills on himself the minute he takes another bite of his waffle and suddenly has to start all over again.

''Oh, for crying out loud, you're doing that on _purpose_'' Dick snarls and stalks over to him, not thinking, barely even breathing as he grabs a napkin to mercilessly wipe the idiot's chin. ''Seriously, it's in your _hair_ - Wally!''

The speedster's grin is wide and unrestrained as he flicks some whipped cream off his fork, watching as it splashes unflatteringly against Dick's cheek.

''Oh, real mature.''

The redhead just laughs because it's still just a joke to him. Dick bites back the bitterness that rises in his mouth and glares, which Wally must find incredibly funny because the laugh is only rising.

''Aw, c'mon, Dick'' Wally half-speaks, half-chuckles as his voice bubbles out of his throat. ''You're so moody today.''

Dick wipes his cheek and scowls.

''It's...'' But he's not sure what to say because he doesn't know how to explain that it's one of _those_ days and it's all Wally's damn fault anyway.

Wally looks at him with that stupid smile on his lips that has Dick force his eyes away. The speedster takes the opportunity to stretch his hand out and with a gentle caress of his thumb, wipe a last lttle spot of whipped cream off the younger boy's face.

Dick's brain shuts down almost immediately, and when he slowly brings his eyes back only so that he may glare at Wally like he just kicked a kitten into the river, he still can't quite comprehend what just took place or - which might be a good thing - how to feel about it.

''Missed a spot.'' Wally says, grinning now, and he looks so awfully pleased with himself Dick just wants to punch him.

''You're an idiot.'' Is what eventually blurts out of his mouth, and though Dick's sure he put a lot of hostility into it Wally doesn't look upset at all. Rather, his grin seems to widen.

It's only now he realizes how close they really are and that Wally's hand is hanging awfully close to his hand, fingertips brushing limply against his and a desert storm whips up inside Dick's throat. Hawking, he takes a step away, eyes fixed on please have mercy _anything_ not green or deep or unabashedly joyful and freckly and lean.

Dick doesn't notice Wally rolling his eyes because he's so very busy not looking at him, and when Wally moves his hand and grabs his wrist, Dick seriously suspects his knees are about to betray him. His body freezes up and decides it rather not move, while his brain - now fully useless for any and all productive purposes - holds only the rather unhelpful realization that _Wally's stupid hand is on his stupid wrist_ and Wally is so _stupid_ he's going to ruin everything because he's _stupid stupid stupid_.

''Dude, you okay?''

''I'm fine'' Dick croaks so terribly uneven he doesn't even buy it himself.

''Oh, really?'' Wally quirks his mouth and gives him a look Dick knows only means trouble. ''Cus to me you seem a little... distressed.''

Dick clears his throat to little gain.

''Nope, totally tressed over here.''

''Uh huh. So why exactly are you blushing?''

''I'm not blushing'' Dick says a bit too quickly and too unconvincingly and now it's Wally's turn to roll his eyes as Dick starts pulling away.

The older boy stops him with a tug at his wrist; falling forward Dick bumps into his chest and before he can fully comprehend what's happening, Wally's arm is snaking around his waist like the sly bastard idiot he is. Dick thinks he must have lost his mind this morning because this can't really be _happening_ to him.

''You're not, huh?''

Dick bites his lip and still manages to mutter a low and stubborn ''No''

''Well'' Wally tries to look innocent and fails. ''How about _now_?''

The laugh that escapes his throat comes out a bit on the hysterical side when Wally grabs his ass because laugh is what you do at jokes that are funny, though this isn't really funny at all but he laughs anyway because he's not sure what else to do.

''Nice try but you have to do better than that''

Dick just wants to bash his head against a wall because he can't stop saying stupid things and why is he _challenging_ him like the biggest idiot in the world when this isn't even funny anymore because Wally always responds to challenges because he's stubborn and obnoxious and wonderful like that.

Unaware of Dick's personal turmoil, Wally snakes his other sly bastard arm around his body and pushes him closer to his chest until Dick thinks his heart might punch right through his chest and knock Wally to the floor. At least then he'd let _go_ because Jesus Christ he won't last much longer like this.

''I dunno, man'' Wally whispers and even now he manages to sound inviting and sultry and no no no no _god damn it_.

Dick bites his teeth down hard when Wally's hand moves from his ass and slowly travels up his back, drawing circles and words between his shoulderblades before it travels to rest on the back fo his neck.

''Uhm.'' is the intelligent response that leaves his mouth.

Wally laughs slightly, which of course he would because it's still just a joke that stopped being funny very long ago and Dick wants to punch him because he's being a bastard, but he finds himself unable to move as the laugh grows louder and Dick's anger grows fatter, and Wally just won't stop and he needs to shut the hell up because this isn't _funny anymore_.

Wally's expression of mirth abruptly comes to a halt when small hands press against either side of his head, tilting him downwards as Dick arches on his toes and presses a tight, angry kiss against his mouth. The sly bastard arms tighten around Dick's waist in surprise and for a long, slow moment neither knows exactly what to do, so they just stand stiffly, faces awkwardly pressed together and a small part of Dick tells him he's going to regret this very much in a moment.

And then comes the point Dick later comes to think of as the moment he must have lost his mind for real, because his knees stop shaking as the pure force of the adrenalne tearing through his body must have completely lobotomized him as he decides that, well, it can't get any more embarrassing than this and deepens the kiss.

It's not anything like Dick had imagined and fantasized and hoped about, actually, his imagination looks extremely limited as it's so much better than he'd thought it could be. Angry and happy and strong and frustrated and warm, Wally's hands are suddenly everywhere as he pushes against Dick, backs him into the fridge with unexpected passion. He moves his hands which are just big and soft and sweaty down to his hips, and Dick suddenly doesn't feel so brave anymore. The only thing really keeping him from giving in to his emotions and collapsing into the touch is Wally's chest pressing him against the fridge.

Dick's hands tangle themselves into his soft red hair at some point he can't remember because it's all a flashing, screaming blur of his heart thumping and his head spinning; Dick doesn't know how long he's been holding his breath out of sheer fear until he suddenly has to gasp for air and Wally draws his head back from him, almost as if frightened he's hurting him.

Though the boy breathes heavily and quickly he can't seem to get enough air, his chest having tied itself into a twitching little knot. When he looks at Wally his stupid, green eyes look back just as wide and surprised and frightened. The speedster's chest moving up and down almost in perfect sync with his, Wally has to hold on tighter to Dick's hips to keep his hands from shaking.

''Wow.'' Dick croaks then, because someone has to say _something. _''What the hell was _that_?''

''Not the reaction I was hoping for but okay.''

''I didn't mean it like that - I - I mean I - '' Dick takes a deep breath. ''I don't know what the hell I'm doing.''

''Ruining a perfectly good moment?'

Wally's mouth quirks into a small, soft little grin and he seems almost shy, but the look in his eyes is bold and filled with a hunger that burns right through him.

''I don't know, it wasn't _that_ good'' Dick blurts out the first thing he can think of just so the silence won't fall as he's pretty sure it'd crush him.

The redhead regards him peculiarly for a moment before he suddenly leans back in, a challenging look in his eyes that cuts Dick's stomach into ribbons. Soft, still wet lips press down against his again but it's so much softer this time, tender, and Dick isn't entirely sure what's going through his mind, much less what's going through Wally's but he's pretty damn sure that friends don't kiss and if they kiss, they certainly don't kiss like this.

Wally pulls back slowly, his breath treading softly across Dick's neck as the older teen exhales.

''Wally'' Dick says warily. ''What are you... _why_ are you..?''

Wally chuckles gently against his throat.

''And _I'm_ stupid?''


End file.
